I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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