You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
