I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
