her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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