Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
