I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
