i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
