make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
