I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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