Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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