Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
did i just pee glitter
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
