I just saw a hot homeless man
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
