The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
