its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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