It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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