I'm going to jail i love you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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