Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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