I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
