the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
