Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
