oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
