This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
