So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
