Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
