i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
