sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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