Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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