I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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