This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
