I got chris browned last night
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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