and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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