Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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