ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
