I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
