I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
