apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
