I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
