Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
