Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Randomize
