for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am naked and annoyed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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