They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
