are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
