I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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