so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize