Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I touched a dick in church today
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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