Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
