If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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