I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
