Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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