Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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