That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
