and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
