there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
