oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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