Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
