is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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