I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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