Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
