A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
