Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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