Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
