i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
