Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
