The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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