I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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