how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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