Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
