I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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