i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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