You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You took a bar mat shot.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm like, not good at living.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize