At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You made out with two different species that night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
