HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize