Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
