I just gift wrapped bread.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
