did you get engaged???
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think my fart just growled at me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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