I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
