she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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