I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
