He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am one with the molecules
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
