im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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