god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
