She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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