oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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