just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
