I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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