If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
