maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
