Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
