don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just found puke in my bra..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
