We won't sleep together?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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